


Diary of a Money Grubbing Scumbag

by otomekaidii



Series: Cuddles for Mammon [23]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Diary/Journal, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-neutral Reader, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Retelling, Spoilers, Written from Mammon’s perspective
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-27 15:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otomekaidii/pseuds/otomekaidii
Summary: A look at Mammon’s thoughts and feelings and how they changed since you arrived in the Devildom.This will be an ongoing series, so be sure to subscribe for updates!
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader
Series: Cuddles for Mammon [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020583
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	1. Lessons 1 & 2

**Author's Note:**

> Just having some fun with my other favorite demon. ❤️
> 
> **Each Chapter is titled with the Lesson/Devilgram/Event that each set of journal entries are from. Skip any you do not want to read the spoilers for.

The human exchange student finally arrived. They are a lot different than I was expecting. 

Lucifer made me their Guardian which is honestly bullshit. He’s on my ass all the time about how irresponsible I am, but still trusts me with the human? Either he’s secretly hoping Diavolo’s program fails or I guess he trusts me more than he lets on. Whatever. I still don’t want to do it.

I ditched them with Levi today after I gave ‘em the tour. Probably wasn’t the best decision I ever made. But I’m sure he can manage keeping a human alive for a couple hours. It’s not like he leaves his room much, how much trouble could they possibly get into?

* * *

The answer to that was a lot. A lot of trouble.

I don’t know what the fuck Levi was thinking! Forcing me into a pact??? For a few hundred grimm?? Fuck, Levi! 

The human ain’t that bad though. Not that I’m ever gonna admit that to their face! I was expecting them to force me to do stuff, but they just made me call them by their name. Which, I guess I can do. Could be worse.

At least I got Goldie back so it’s time for some retail therapy!

* * *

This sucks. Completely and totally sucks. Does everyone at RAD have nothing better to do than spread stupid rumors?? Why does everyone care so much about a pact with a stupid human? They’re actin’ like none of them have ever made any pacts before! 

And my brothers. Fuckin’ hell. They are having a field day with this. And they are STILL carrying on about it. 

They usually don’t give 2 shits what I do with my life, but now suddenly I’m just the center of every conversation. Which normally would be pretty awesome, finally getting the recognition I deserve! But that ain’t what’s happening!

At least Beel still only cares about food so he’s not that unpleasant to be around. I kinda want to smack Asmo whenever I see him though. Or punch Levi in his stupid face. And this is all Lucifer’s fault anyways. He kidnapped Goldie in the first place and he put me on babysittin’ duty. 

Whatever. I’m going out to The Fall tonight and blowing off some steam.


	2. Lessons 3 & 4

I hate spending time with this human. They are so distracting to be around. I dunno why, but I can’t keep my eyes off them and it’s getting on my nerves. 

Maybe it’s some sorta pact spell magic? 

* * *

  
  
Today sucked. And tonight is probably going to suck worse.

Stupid pact. Stupid human.

I got roped into helping them make nice with Levi so he’ll give ‘em his TSL soundtrack. They are planning on giving it to Lucifer to keep him distracted so they can check out the attic. No idea why they are so bound and determined to get up there though. It ain’t like there is anything valuable and worth stealing up there either. Nothing but worthless junk.

I can’t decide if they’re stupid or brave knowing what Lucifer will do to ‘em if they get caught or he figures out what they’re up to. 

And now tonight, as part of the master plan to get on Levi’s good side, we are gonna be watching that stupid TSL series on DVD. I am not looking forward to it. It’s gonna be lame and boring and I doubt I’m going to be able to stay awake. I’d much rather be out partying.

* * *

Ok so maybe that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Beel was there, for whatever reason. He said it was just for the snacks, but I dunno. It ain’t like he can’t get his own snacks. 

I still can’t believe that Geldie died! That doesn’t seem fair at all. Lord of Fools tried so hard to save her and to help his brother, and he just kept getting the short end of the stick! Maybe there’ll be a sequel sometime where we find out that Geldie wasn’t really dead, and all the brothers band together to support the Lord of Fools? The guy deserves some credit at least!

As for the human, maybe they ain’t so bad after all.

They had a hard time staying awake though. You’d think they would have tried harder since this whole getting into the attic plan was their idea in the first place. But nooo! Good thing they had The Great Mammon there to catch all the parts they missed. No way they’d have been able to do this all without me! 

Still didn’t give them the right to fall asleep on my shoulder. I mean, who do they think they are, huh?! And have you ever tried to wake a sleeping human? It ain’t easy! But I figured they’d owe me one after this, so I left ‘em alone. I outta make them replace my jacket too, since they probably drooled on it.

* * *

Levi found out about our plan somehow. He said Lucifer told him, but how the heck did Lucifer find out in the first place? So this has now turned into a full competition instead of just showing Levi how nerdy they are.

I’ve been coaching the human on their TSL trivia, so I have a feeling they’re gonna do alright. We also figured out a backup plan to make Levi nice and jealous if things aren’t going our way. 

I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with this human though. They’re just so...nice. Don’t they realize they’re in the Devildom?? Surrounded by demons?? You’d think they’d be workin’ on their survival skills or something. But they just keep smilin’ at me all the time and being all friendly. It’s weird. They’re probably just tryin’ to get on my good side. Which is stupid because they have the pact now so they can just tell me what to do. Guess that goes to show just how not-smart they are.   
  


* * *

Today did not go as planned. 

Everything started out fine. Beel, Satan, even Asmo was helping us beat Levi! I guess they just really wanted to see him get annoyed. 

But then it all went to shit. I guess our attempt at makin’ Levi jealous was too good, because he almost killed the human. He would have if it hadn’t been for Lucifer stepping in.

I didn’t realize it until then, but I think I’m a little more attached to this human than I thought. Because it was like watchin’ a horror movie in slow motion when I thought they were about to die. And I hated it. I hated how helpless I felt. I’m supposed to be the 2nd oldest! I’m their Guardian! And all I could do was stand there and watch as Levi nearly ripped them to shreds. 

Next time I’m gonna be the one to save them though. No way am I gonna let Lucifer, or anybody else, out do me again.

* * *

Levi has decided we are all BFFs now. He had me and MC do some weird, freaky blood bond thing with him and my heart just about stopped. Why is Levi so weird?? Is this an otaku thing? Are they all like this?? 

I have to hand it to MC though...Levi is looking a lot...brighter...these days. He’s comin’ out of his room more and hangin’ out with the rest of us. Well, mainly MC. Not sure what to make of that. He better not be thinkin’ he’s gonna take my position as their Guardian. Doesn’t matter if they have a pact now too - I’m still their First!

I don’t know what happened after they gave the record to Lucifer. I guess they made it up the stairs? Must not have been anything interesting up there or I’m sure I woulda heard about it. 

* * *

  
  
Beel stole my snack today. It was an offering from a witch and as soon as he found out I didn’t cook it, he swallowed it whole! MC got on to him though. Which was a nice change of pace. Not used to havin’ someone on my side. Maybe this pact business ain’t as stupid as I thought.


	3. Lesson 5

Well shit…

Literal days after Levi nearly kills MC, Beel almost does the same. And this time it was all my fault too.

And once again, Lucifer had to intervene.

It was just a pudding for fucks sake! And what about all the food Beel’s stolen?? Like that snack I had yesterday?? But no, he had to go rampaging through the kitchen, and even destroyed the wall that was shared with MC’s room. 

And somehow. SOMEHOW. MC ended up sleeping in his room. Which is bullshit. My bed is plenty big enough! And I have the couch too! There ain’t any reason MC couldn’t stay with me where I can keep a better eye on them. I guess Lucifer is blaming this all on me and figures MC will be safe on their own with Beel.

I’m going to do better. This won’t happen again. 

* * *

Beel isn’t handling Belphie being gone very well. MC and I listened in on him talking to Lucifer this morning, and you could tell how hard it was on him. I’m not sure why he hasn’t heard from Belphie though. With the way those two are joined at the hip, I woulda expected them to be constantly messaging each other. Maybe that was part of Lucifer’s punishment too? And he took away Belphie’s DDD?

I was talkin’ to MC and they said that Beel had told them about Belphie and Lilith, which was surprising to me. Especially Lilith. No one ever talks about her anymore. It’s like we’re all too scared to remember. I told MC a little about how we used to be angels and how we ended up in the Devildom - not too much, but just enough that they understood why Lucifer has a stick up his ass all the time.

I also filled them in on the start of the exchange program and what happened to Belphie. They were a little distracted after that, which was annoying, and I didn’t end up seeing them for the rest of the day. Guess they wanted to spend time with their new roommate...can’t Lucifer get the damn kitchen repaired any faster???

* * *

Beel and MC were acting weird today. It’s like they’re keepin’ secrets or something and I don’t like it. I’m their First! You’d think that’d count for something and they’d let me in on it. 

When I asked them what was wrong, they smiled at me and laughed and I panicked. I said something about not caring if an alien burst out of ‘em...Asmo could tell I was full of shit though, and was quick to point it out. But now I can’t help but wonder if MC realized it too? And I can’t decide which would be worse? If they knew I bullshitting? Or if they knew the truth? 

Anyways, Satan thinks MC and Beel have a cat in their room and that's why they were being weird. But I’m not sure I buy that either. Beel doesn’t seem like the sorta guy to have a cat. And he’d probably accidentally eat it in his sleep. I just hope he doesn’t eat MC in his sleep too.


	4. Lesson 6

Well, I figured out why Beel and MC were being all weird. 

I also figured out that I’m the biggest idiot in all three realms.

Once again, I put MC into harm's way. And if it wasn’t for Diavolo showing up when he did….

I had felt a surge of demonic energy, and when I went down to the underground tomb to check, that’s when I saw Lucifer in his demon form towering over Luke (who was scared out of his mind and shakin’ like a real chihuahua). 

Before I even stopped to think, I was calling MC. I don’t know what I expected them to do? Drag Luke away? It’s not like they could have stopped Lucifer. So calling them was pointless. And stupid. I should have just stuck to calling Lord Diavolo and left it at that. Why did I think MC needed to be involved at all? They’re just a stupid, fragile human!

No one seemed to tell them that they were that fragile though, because they didn’t seem to hesitate to throw themselves in between Beel, Luke, and Lucifer. It was honestly kinda cool seeing ‘em act all heroic and stuff. But still stupid!! It’s bad enough I brought them down there in the first place, but did they really have to go and make my job harder by getting into an even more dangerous situation??

I managed to get to ‘em right as Lucifer charged, and right as Diavolo arrived...but it didn’t matter. They still passed out from the sheer power that Lucifer was letting out. I carried ‘em to Beel’s room while he dealt with Luke. I hung around as long as I could to keep an eye on them, but once Beel got back I had to leave. I don’t want him to know how worried I was. And what right did I even have to worry anyways? It was my fault in the first place.  
  


* * *

  
MC also has a pact with Beel now. I guess they bonded over the whole experience and the shared room thing. Beel seems to be acting more like his old self, like how he was before Belphie left. He still hasn’t heard from him, but I think MC has managed to give Beel some hope that things were gonna get better. And I think it was good for Beel to finally talk to someone about Lilith. I ain’t like he could really talk to the rest of us. No one wants to talk about her.

Beel decided to take MC out to dinner too. I guess as a thanks for what they did? It didn’t seem like a good idea to me to have them out walking around after they passed out and nearly died just a couple hours ago! But I managed to convince Levi to come along with me to keep an eye on ‘em. Told him it was some pact friendship bonding shit, and he ate that right up. Dude was so lonely and desperate for friends, he’s now latched onto MC like...I dunno, something that latches into things. Not that I blame him.

MC explained why them and Beel decided to make a pact. MC has some crazy idea about gettin’ Lucifer to respect them so they can help him work things out with Belphie. I dunno how well that’s gonna work honestly. Lucifer doesn’t respect anyone but Lord Diavolo. And the idea he could come to respect a human? Much less take advice from them? It’s kinda far fetched. 

But whatever, they want to try and so does Beel, so I guess we are gonna try. What kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t look after my little brothers right? 

Oh and Beel told me that when MC finally woke up earlier, I was the first one they asked about. Even though I was never in any danger and they were the one that nearly died! I think he was teasing me for that, but, it still felt nice to have someone worry about me. 

* * *

Breakfast was really awkward this morning. Lucifer wasn’t saying anything, just starin’ at MC and us while we ate. Asmo and Satan were gossipin’ like they had nothin’ better to do. Like shouldn’t Asmo be fixing his makeup or some shit before class?? Does he really have time to gossip?? Instead he’s whining about the busted kitchen and everything that happened yesterday.

MC tried to leave early, but Lucifer stopped ‘em and asked to speak with them before class. I really didn’t like the idea of leaving MC alone with Lucifer, and I could tell that even Levi and Beel were thinking the same. 

I about choked on my food when they asked me to walk with them to the music room where Lucifer was. It’s nice to know they still trust me to look out for them, even though I seem to be doing a pretty shitty job as their Guardian so far. And it was pretty cool when they were done talking to Lucifer that they came lookin’ for me first. Which of course they did. I’m their First. 

It also looks like we’re gonna have a “group retreat” at the Demon Lord’s Castle. Diavolo seems to think that it’s gonna be a great chance for angels, humans, and demons to bond or something. It just sounds like a hassle to me. Plus that Castle is cursed. I ain’t exactly in a hurry to wind up lost in some labyrinth with some monster that’s gonna eat me. No thanks. But maybe I can sneak away at some point and swipe some valuables that no one will notice...at least it would make the whole trip worth my while. 


End file.
